Valentine’s Day is normally a fun and romantic occasion for you if you’re in a loving relationship, yet it can be an off-putting and frustrating day if you’re single. A day that celebrates couples often challenges singles. The good news is that you can not only endure Valentine’s Day, but actually enjoy it as a single person.

The trick is first to put your thinking straight about what being single or in a relationship truly means, and second to adopt a constructive behavior. This simple Valentine’s guide for singles will show you exactly how.

1. Know you’re not alone

On Valentine’s Day, it’s common for a single to feel like they’re the only single person out there and everybody else is with their significant other. However, that’s just an illusion, largely created by all the emphasis put on couples on Valentine’s Day through a variety of communication channels: articles, billboards, commercials, gossip, etc.

The reality is that there are a lot of single people out there. Being single does not make you an exception. It actually makes you a member of a large segment of the population, which is steadily getting larger. This is something important to bear in mind.

2. Don’t romanticize being in a relationship

Another tendency to be on a lookout for is the tendency to feel like you’re worse off than others simply because you’re single.

This is what happens when you assume that a relationship per se makes your life better. An idea that’s much closer to the truth is that whether a relationship makes your life better or not depends entirely on the person the relationship is with and on its dynamic. Believe me, there are plenty of people in relationships that make them feel miserable and take away more than they add to their life.

It’s in your grasp to have a happy and fulfilling life as a single. All you need to do is recognize the wide range of options you have to make yourself happy and to employ them. This leads me to my next point.

3. Do something for yourself

You may not have a significant other in your life, but you do have yourself. As a single person, Valentine’s Day is a good moment to remind yourself that you are important to you.

How? By doing things you enjoy.

The last thing you want to do is to stay at home and sulk for being single. Instead, reflect on the things you enjoy the most that don’t entail a relationship and how you can make some of them happen fast. Then, make them happen. Maybe you want to go to a spa, or get a massage, or buy yourself some nice clothes, or watch a movie. Anything that gives you pleasure goes.

As a rule of thumb, the more you take care of your needs, the less you feel the necessity for somebody else in your life. You may still seek that person, but without feeling a desperate requirement for them.

4. Mingle with other singles

Valentine’s Day is not an all couples day; or at least not anymore. Because there is a plethora of singles who don’t want to be ignored on this day, a growing wave of events and activities for singles on Valentine’s has emerged.

More often than not, I’m single on Valentine’s Day. And I can tell you from experience that there is no shortage of single people out on this day, dancing, partying, socializing, drinking and having fun.

There are even bars and clubs that have special singles’ nights or parties on Valentine’s Day, urr, Night. So, get in touch with some of your single friends, go out and enjoy yourselves. If you don’t have single friends, this is an excellent moment to make some. For instance, you can go to a singles’ event or something and meet other singles. On this day, they’ll be particularly excited to meet new people.

Conclusion

The way I see it, whether you’re single or in a couple, Valentine’s Day is a festive occasion and an excellent time to have fun.

At the end of they day, it’s not your relationship status that makes the real difference in your life or on this day. Rather, it’s your ability to capitalize on any type of situation and to live with passion.

So, whether you’re single or in a relationship, have a happy Valentine’s Day!

(Photo credit: Valentines Day background with hearts via Shutterstock)

Eduard Ezeanu is a social confidence coach. He teaches others how to overcome shyness, as well as how to be more social, and helps them build fulfilling relationships with others. He also writes on his blog, People Skills Decoded.

While technically we are still in the throes of winter here, the weather gods seem to be signalling the start of spring here, regardless!

And with springtime, comes a desire to get out more into the outdoors – soak up the sunshine and get my hands dirty planning the year’s food garden. The more years I spend growing food, the more I am struck by the similarities between effective and efficient practices for growing food, and effective practices for work-flow. Make no mistake, the word “productivity” has its roots firmly in agricultural practice! (pun intended).

In an effort to make the most of my limited time in the garden, I have been experimenting with a number of growing methods. Spending time in the garden does have its upsides – a mental break from time on the computer, closeness to nature, the satisfaction of knowing where your food comaes from — but, at the end of the day, nobody has a burning desire to spend hours hunched over a hoe!

Something old…with something new to teach us

One of the systems I have been slowly adopting in my garden is Permaculture. At its core, it is a more sustainable means of food production (think permanent + agriculture), with greater reliance on perennial food crops. In a much broader sense, though, permaculture is a systems design – building food production systems that more closely mimic the successful networks and systems that evolve in nature. Permaculture really arrived on the scene as a concept in the mid 1970′s, by two Australians Bill Mollison and David Holmgren as a solution to environmental challenges of the day.

While at first blush, this might make you think of back-to-the-landers and composting toilets, BUT back in the early 1970s, David Holmgren penned 12 permaculture design principles that ring as true today as they did 40 years ago, and actually have much wider applicability than merely growing tomatoes in your back yard!

12 Permaculture Principles Worth Noting

1. Take time to observe, interact, and take stock: While its tempting to jump in with both feet, some time taken to observe and think through is time well spent. If you don’t fully understand the problem, you might be spending time creating the wrong solution!
2. Catch and store energy: Design your systems to harvest resources at peak times for use later on.
3. Obtain a yield: This sounds simple, but make sure you are getting something useful for your work!
4. Apply self-regulation and accept feedback: We need to know what works and what doesn’t, so we can build on what works well. This is a key tenet of business planning models, and performance management techniques.
5. Use and value renewable resources and services:  Make the best use of the resources at your disposal – financial, human, information.  Placing an explicit value on them makes it much less likely you will waste them!
6. Produce no waste: By valuing and making use of all the resources that are available to us, we begin to minimize our waste . .. of resources and effort!
7. Design from patterns to details: by looking at successful patterns found in nature, we can create systems with a strong foundation, and fill in the details as we go.
8. Integrate rather than segregate: By putting the right things in the right place, relationships develop between those things and they work together to support each other. This is especially true in this age of connectedness we live in, where personal relationships often form the basis of future business relationships.
9. Start small, and build on your successes: Complex systems are built  from simple systems that work well! … and simple systems are much easier to maintain, and make better use of local resources.  This is also a matter of keeping some perspective on the appropriate scale for the situation.
10. Maximize diversity and resiliency: This does not necessarily mean diluting your business goals, but rather look within the structures you are creating to ensure there are many : many relationships. Single elements should serve multiple functions, and single functions should be served by multiple elements – the ultimate backup!
11. Value what is happening on the “edges”: The interface between things is where the most interesting ideas and events happen. These are often the most valuable, diverse and productive elements in the system (think of the creativity and energy present in a startup!)
12. Creatively use and respond to change: Change is a fact of life, and successful businesses create a culture that observes change as it unfolds, and determines when and how best to intervene.

Conclusion

These are valuable guideposts to keep in your sightlines for efficient, sustainable food production, BUT they also have great value as principles for increasing your productivity!

Businesses today are so much more connected to all aspects of community (social and economic), and the information technology at our disposal means a small enterprise can potentially have significant impacts around the world.  Looking at old systems and tools with new eyes might just lead us to some surprising new and productive practices!

(Photo credit: Janice Mansfield)

Janice Mansfield is a personal chef specializing in creating customized recipes and meal plans for people coping with multiple food sensitivities. She also created a line of cocktail bitters for no other reason than she wanted chocolate bitters in her Manhattans! When not cooking or cocktailing, she documents the antics and unbearable cuteness her two Shiba Inus.

In previous posts, I discussed why the so-called “negative” emotions of anger, shame, sadness, and fear are actually good friends and guides. In this post, I am going to close the loop on this project by outlining why joy, a “positive” emotion, can be your enemy.

How can this be? How can joy cause trouble? What’s wrong with feeling good?

Well, nothing, of course. Except that the pursuit of joy (and the fear of losing joy) can distract us from creating long-term happiness and fulfillment. And it can even bring about circumstances that cause tremendous suffering.

But how does this happen?

In one of two ways: Attachment and Distraction.

How is attachment a problem?

Attachment can be a problem when it clouds your judgment, preventing you from making the right choices (for you) in the hopes of getting or keeping something that you think will bring you joy.

I’m sure you’ve known people who have quit their jobs and moved away from their friends and families to a new city in order to stay together with a boyfriend/girlfriend, only to find themselves dumped and far from home when what they really needed to do is accept that other person is moving away and get on with life. Attachment to that other person, wanting to get or keep the Joy that comes from being with the other person, brought that on. Similarly, people can get attached to ideas, places and objects, and let this attachment prevent them from making wise decisions.

We can also get attached to the results of our actions and create trouble for ourselves and others. How many times have we told ourselves the following:

“I’ll be happy when I get rich/get married/have kids/get a promotion/get a better house…”

Staying so focused on the payoff prevents us from enjoying the journey, and in extreme circumstances it can lead to problems brought on by unethical behavior. Whether it’s fudging taxes, covering up problems at work, lying to your spouse to keep the peace, all of them can bring serious consequences crashing down upon you…simply because you wanted the joy associated with the payoff.

Joy can be a distraction

It can be — and it may be a harmless one, like procrastinating with Facebook or playing video games instead of taking action on something that would bring achievement and fulfillment.

Starting that big project at work can be hard. Same with fixing up your house, training for a 5K or writing a book, but those things can be incredibly rewarding (much more so than playing Angry Birds). But playing Angry Birds can provide the distraction of fun and joy.

Right now that prevents you from ever going down those paths.

Taken to the extreme, distraction becomes addiction. You drink/take drugs/gamble because it feels better than facing some challenge. No one becomes an addict because they honestly want the lifestyle and rewards — they do it because it feels good (initially at least), and it brings joy to have a drink or a hit or another card. If it didn’t feel good — at least in the moment — no one would do it.

But we do…because people find joy in distraction and they can’t tear themselves away from it long enough to take care of themselves.

In closing

Joy can lead to attraction and be a distraction. We get attached to another person or object, or to a certain result, and this can lead to bad decisions. Similarly, we can use momentary Joy to distract us from taking on more difficult challenges that would ultimately prove more fulfilling. Such distractions can prove devastating in the case of addictions. Joy is important, of course — I don’t think we could live without it for long.

But like the other “negative” emotions mentioned above, we need to keep it in its proper perspective.

(Photo credit: Boxing Punching Bag on Red via Shutterstock)

It’s that month again.

Does your heart leap at the prospect of astonishing your partner with a date that will set their world on fire? I didn’t think so.

All that pressure to be romantic focussed on one little day can feel like more of a burden than anything else. You can sulk all you want but declaring that you don’t believe in the whole consumerist conspiracy rarely gets you off the hook unless your beloved shares that same philosophy.

It is possible that you are so romantic all year round that your partner feels sorry for the poor schmucks who are waiting for their annual dose of hearts and flowers. But by following these sizzling suggestions, next year you might actually achieve that goal.

1. Think outside the box (of candy)

Take the road less travelled. As I mentioned in my post on how to buy awesome holiday gifts, one of the keys to giving gifts is to think about what your partner appreciates as opposed to just giving what is traditional or expected. While my personal opinion is that one can never get enough flowers, I would far rather receive a back rub than a box of candy. More appreciation and less money spent. It’s a win-win. Plus you always get points for appearing to have put some thought and effort into what to get, even if you might not succeed in procuring the perfect gift.

2. Express yourself

If you feel like saying, “Screw you, greeting card manufacturers. I’m not your bitch,” go right ahead.

You don’t have to buy a card if you don’t want to. However, you could make one. If you’re a parent you can steal ideas (and crayons) from your kids; it doesn’t have to be perfect. In fact, the deployment of well-intentioned yet artistically challenged art skills can be pretty charming. Of course, you could always delegate by commissioning a card from your nearest kindergartener if you don’t want to do it yourself. You can even dispense with the whole card completely and write a poem or a letter of appreciation instead. But not a virtual one and certainly not a Valentine’s Tweet, please.

3. Check please

While it’s traditional to go out for dinner on Valentine’s Day, who really appreciates paying through the nose for a set meal in a very over-crowded restaurant? I’d certainly rather go there on another night when the choice of reservation is better than either 5pm or 9.45pm — perched precariously on a high top which is what I was offered today.

4. Budget bistro

Just because you’re on a budget, doesn’t mean you have to give up the idea of a romantic dinner. How about cooking instead, maybe even together and splurging on a really nice bottle of wine? You don’t have to worry about driving (or parking).

Can’t cook? Not a problem. Have you ever thought about hiring or bartering with a friend to do it for you instead? If you know another couple, you could even do a trade off where you guys take turns cooking, serving dinner and doing the dishes for each other.

5. Afternoon delight

You always hear relationship experts tell you that you need a date night, but after a long day of work plus kids and by the time you have been out to dinner and movie, sleep is probably the big S on your mind. Avoid this issue by changing your Valentine’s date night to daylight. Pick a weekend day and if you have children, arrange play-dates or hire a sitter to take the children out of the house for at least three hours. With the house to yourselves, take advantage by having a romantic indoor picnic together. To spice things up even more, how about taking things into the bedroom? Bring a blindfold and take turns feeding each other for a taste test to rekindle all your senses.

6. Strangers in the night

This is quite the fire-starter, especially when you have been together for a long time and/or are married. Arrange to meet at a bar that neither of you have been to, a hotel bar is ideal for the purpose of this exercise (plus it gives you extra options about what you do next!).

Without discussing any details beforehand, you are each going to invent an alter-ego, complete with name, age, etc. Venture outside the box a little and experiment playing the role of someone who has a little different lifestyle to your own. For example, if you are a stay-at-home mom, you might pretend to be a traveling sales executive and power dress in heels and a business suit – perhaps with racy lingerie underneath.

When you arrive at the bar, pull up a stool, order a drink and wait to be approached by a handsome, mysterious stranger. Play hard to get or flirt like mad, the choice is yours – what’s even more fun is when the guy on a business trip sitting next to you is eavesdropping on the conversation and just can’t believe what he’s hearing – especially when you decide its time to leave together!

Hack Valentine’s Day

It’s hard to conjure romance on demand. You would think that the better you know somebody, the easier it would get, but conversely it often seems that the longer you have been together, the harder it is. Added to the fact that we are all so busy and pretty tired, pulling off the date of the year on a school night can seem like a tall order.

But fear not, my lovelies. You came to the right place. Try these suggestions and you will hack Valentine’s Day; in fact you may just find the romance lasts all year.

(Photo credit: two valentine’s paper hearts via Shutterstock)

Mirabai Galashan MTh. helps people make the most of every day of their lives. She is a hospice chaplain, healer and teacher who works with individuals, couples and groups, offering counseling, coaching and holistic healing. Mirabai has a masters in Spirituality and Health over 20 years' experience as a professional practitioner of complementary therapies. Learn more at http://mirabaigalashan.com.

“There is divine beauty in learning… To learn means to accept the postulate that life did not begin at my birth. Others have been here before me, and I walk in their footsteps.” – Elie Wiesel

“What did you learn in school today?” is one of most common questions asked by parents to their children every day after school.

Yet many people go through life without ever asking what they learned each day. Being mindful of learning daily lessons allows us to be open to change and growth.

We think of school as the place where people learn, but really life itself is the far more reaching school where we learn every day of our lives.

In fact, life is the greatest teacher of all – it teaches us things that no one else could.

Yes, life has a way of teaching us lessons that we would never learn otherwise. Some of life’s lessons we would rather not have, some of what we learn we wish we did not have to, and that is exactly what makes life such an excellent teacher. Life has its own natural and logical consequences.  If life was predictable and always in our control, how would we learn? Things do not often go as planned, despite our best intentions. the solace is, we can learn and grow from what life teaches us, no matter what!

So ask yourself everyday, “What have I learned?”

This simple question will help you:

• Have a focus on growth and self-transformation rather than seeing  yourself as a finished product.
• Allow you to keep evolving as we are all works in progress
• Help you find lessons from everything you experience
• Make the best out of things and grow from the most difficult of circumstances
• Think of how you can make something positive come from a difficult lesson, even if this is one lesson you could do without learning!
• Make peace with the fact that sometimes you are on the “fast track” and other times you might feel more in the “remedial class” of life.  We all learn at different rates. and the best part is – in the school of life there is no such thing as “staying back” even if you experience failure.
• Will help you focus on moving on a in a positive direction instead of measuring how far you “should have” come already.
• Make peace with the fact that sometimes lessons are learned the hard way.

Suggested Activity

Write down three things you learned today. For each item you write down, think of how you can use that lesson to improve yourself and your grip on your world. How can you use those lessons learned to improve your future? Think of one practical action you can take based on what you have learned.

Do you want to know how you can increase your odds that you will put your thought into action? Tell someone! Studies have shown that just by telling someone what you plan to do, you will be more likely to follow through!

(Photo credit: Time to Learn via Shutterstock)

My husband and I were walking down a busy street in downtown Chicago.  Suddenly, my husband gasped.

“What?” I said.

“You didn’t see that?”

“No, what are you talking about?”

“In front of us.  A bird just swooped down and tried to grab a sandwich out of that woman’s hand.”

“No kidding, that’s crazy!”

“You’re really not that observant, you know that?”

He was right.  Even though I’m a writer and have been told countless times that keener observation makes for more interesting prose, this is not my strong suit.  When I’m out and about, I’m usually in my head too much to carefully process what’s going on around me.

You may naturally focus inward, but when you’re at work, being a great observer is critical to your success.  You will be better able to size up what’s working and what isn’t, and adapt your approaches to fit your environment.  It’s also easier for good observers to pick up on unspoken messages and cues, resulting in stronger and more empathetic relationships with other people.

One of my New Year’s resolutions is to practice some techniques that colleagues and friends have shared.  Maybe they will help you too.

Be mindful

Once a day, pick a time to relax in a quiet, peaceful place.  Close your eyes and let the tension in your muscles go.  Try to stop all of the activity in your mind, instead focusing on your breathing and the sounds and smells around you.  Acknowledge how the space under you feels.  If your mind begins to wander, gently pull yourself back to the present and stay there for 15 minutes or more.

Sit in a public place and journal

Take a few minutes to sit in the park, library, or shopping mall.  Really see the people around you and pay attention to what they’re wearing, how they’re walking, and the interactions they have with others.

Record the details coming through your senses, such as the construction work that just began one street over, or a late customer banging on the door of a closed store.  Write whatever comes to mind, including how the scene makes you feel.

Create stories

When commuting on the train or waiting in line, observe the strangers in the vicinity.  Take note of their characteristics and behavior and imagine what their lives are like – where they live, what they do for a living, who their family members are, etc.  You can do the same thing with photos of people you spot in magazines or online.

Eat consciously

Instead of wolfing down your lunch while working at your desk, have a meal with no distractions – even conversation.  Eat slowly as to observe how the food smells and tastes, and its texture as you chew.

Walk instead of drive

Walking allows you to interact more with your environment, which is helpful in honing observation skills.  Note the weather, the amount of commercialization and traffic, the influence of nature, and whether the scene around you is calm or chaotic.  Guess what urban planners, residential developers, or landscape architects had in mind when they designed the locale.

Take off your headphones

Similarly, while in transit on foot or in a vehicle, you can better observe your surroundings and listen to interesting conversation and noises if you aren’t devoting all of your attention to your iPod.

Consume entertainment actively

It’s tempting to zone out while listening to a favorite song or watching a great movie.  But once in a while, it’s smart to practice your observation skills by thinking about the meaning behind a songwriter’s lyrics, or what the director was getting at when s/he shot a scene a particular way.  This may also help you enjoy your entertainment more fully!

(Photo credit: Macro shot of a woman’s green eye via Shutterstock)

Alexandra Levit is a career and workplace expert at the Intuit Quickbase Blog , a daily source for advice on how to be exceptional at your job. You can follow her on Twitter at @alevit.

Often I come across highly productive people in their business environment whose home life can only be described as horrendous chaos. They are in control at work but the minute they step through the door in the evening, their control, order and discipline eludes them. The work habits and ethics don’t carry through.

How can you change this chaotic home life into a more efficient flow?

It can be done by creating positive productive habits which will create more time to enjoy the more important things in life.

Plan, Plan, and Plan Again

Plan your menus for the week in advance. Have a plan for normal activities and have a plan for “one-off” events. Get a planner or calendar for the kitchen or living area so that everyone is aware of their own (plus others’) activities. Children should be encouraged to check the planner each day and ensure that their own activities and parties are put on the planner. Simple things like making sure the children’s clothes are ready to go in the morning will help you avoid starting your day rushing around searching for socks and underwear. This causes stress and conflict in the morning, which is best avoided.

Routine

Create routines and habits — psychologists say that children feel safer with routines. They like to know what’s coming next. Even though they will fight and rebel against them, it makes for happier and more secure children. Children should always have the same bedtime routine; don’t allow them to fall asleep on the sofa or choose when they go to bed. Meal times should be more or less at the same time each day with enough time for digestion before bedtime. If bath or shower time is at the same time, children know what to expect. It’s essential that the parent is the decision maker. My favorite parenting quotation is from Robin Sharma’s Family Wisdom from the Monk who sold his Ferrari:

“Stop doing what’s easy and start doing what is right.”

Don’t allow them to watch hours of TV or play computer games just because it makes your life easier. Discipline and routine will pay off in the long run. A little bit of effort now will be repaid to you tenfold when the routines are established.

Routines are also important for teenagers. They will say they “hate you” for the imposed boundaries, but somewhere very deep down they realize that these boundaries mean that you care.

Make everyone pull their weight

Give all children chores — even the youngest should get into the habit of being responsible for some area of the house. In this way not only are you creating positive habits of responsibility and organization, you are also reducing your own personal workload. (But, of course, don’t let them know that!)

Get Organized

The more organized the household is the easier it will be when it comes to tidying up. Buy storage containers for the children’s toys and shelves for their books. Encourage them to tidy their room every night and put the toys back in their place. Ask them for their input on how they want their rooms organized. The more input you get from the children the more likely they will take part in the clean up, as they will feel more attached to the outcome. Organize your cupboards. Have a place for everything. One of the chief causes of clutter is not having somewhere to put things. You move things from counter space to table to chair without having made a decision where it should go. Make sure everything has a place.

Get up early

Getting up earlier than my children has been the savior of my sanity over the past few years. Having that time to exercise, meditate or do yoga has helped me to remain calm and feel one step ahead of the rest of the family. Rushing in the morning is the worst way to start your day. Having everything ready before the children get up will encourage smooth sailing when the little ones break the silence for the day.

“Me” Time

And most importantly, make sure you have time for yourself. Time to exercise, time to relax, time for your relationship, time to think and time to just “be”. If you want to have a happy household, the head of the household should be calm and in control. So make sure you make time for yourself.

By having a life outside the family you are being a positive role model for your children. Children learn much more from what they see rather than what you say — so give them a good example. Create positive, organized and loving habits for the whole household. Not only will they appreciate it when they are adults, but it will make for a healthier, happier more organized and harmonious household.

(Photo credit: Father and Son via Shutterstock)

Ciara Conlon is a Personal Productivity Coach and author. Her mission is to help people achieve their best through working efficiently and being positive and present. “With Productivity and Positivity there is little you can’t achieve” Find out more about Ciara and sign up for her tips, articles and links at Productivity & Positivity

At the end of the first week of every month, we’re going present the best of what Lifehack had to offer in the previous month. We know our readers are busy — not just with other aspects of their lives, but also reading articles elsewhere — so if you’ve missed out on some of what we brought to you last month, now’s your chance to catch up.

So, without further adieu, here is The Best of Lifehack from January 2012.

Searching for the Perfect Productivity Tool

One of the newest contributors to Lifehack, Jan Makulec, discusses why it’s not necessarily wrong (or right) to have found your perfect productivity tool…and searching for it isn’t necessarily the time suck that many say that it can be.

How I Use GoodReader

GoodReader is an incredibly versatile app, and Lifehack editor Chris Smith dives right in and suggests how you can get the most out of what for most is a very under-used app on their iPad or iPhone.

How to Become Clutter-Free for Greater Happiness and Productivity

Ciara Conlon is timely with this post on how to get rid of clutter so that you can improve your productivity and be happier as a result. January isn’t just a month for resolutions; it’s a month of “clearing the decks” too.

5 Management Practices That Kill Employee Productivity

Yet another new addition to the Lifehack contributor ranks, Marissa Brassfield writes about a few management practices that will do more harm than good to your team’s productivity.

How to Develop Mental Toughness

Mike Martel serves up a great piece that has a greater impact on your productivity (and confidence) than we’d all like to admit: mental toughness. He explains how mental toughness can be developed — and why it’s important to do so.

Productivity Made Simple: The Series

Karol Krol puts together a stellar series — especially appropriate for the beginning of the year — on how you can get into the GTD system with a simpler approach. The series is broken down into several parts:

1. Productivity Made Simple: Where to Start with GTD
2. Productivity Made Simple: Selecting What to Do Next with GTD
3. Productivity Made Simple: The 7 Main Elements of GTD
4. Productivity Made Simple: The Key to GTD – Your Daily Graph of Activity
5. Productivity Made Simple: How to Keep Your Projects from Killing You

If you’re still looking to become more productive this year, you can’t go wrong with this series — or with any of the articles in The Best of Lifehack: January 2012 edition.

(Photo credit: Golden leader of business team via Shutterstock)

Mike Vardy is a writer, speaker, and "productivityist". Read more of his writing and learn more about him at MikeVardy.com, and you can also follow him on Twitter.

 We make commitments to others and ourselves all the time. The question is: Do we keep them?

When we fail to keep a promise, it communicates to the other person that we don’t value him or her. We have elected to place something else ahead of our commitment. This can result in an erosion of trust in our relationships.

More importantly, we are telling ourselves that we don’t value our own word. Not keeping a promise to yourself is the same as disrespecting yourself. Eventually, it can harm our self-esteem, confidence, and experience of life.

Make it concrete

Make sure that are certain that you will be able to do something before you commit to it. Then be clear on the expectation, action, or result that is agreed to. Then set a firm deadline. Firm promises that are set in stone are more likely to be kept. Never make a promise that you are not sure you can keep.

Get it in writing

Businesses and professionals most often get themselves into trouble when they have made a verbal agreement. The difficulty with verbal agreements is that they are often vague and tend to be perceived differently by both parties. You may not even agree when a promise or agreement unfulfilled, because you have differing views on what precisely was promised.

Memories are faulty, perception is skewed, and wording tends to be unclear. Make it a practice to get professional agreements in writing. This makes is much easier for both parties to keep their word. When both parties are very clear on what is expected; it is more likely that agreements will be upheld.

Small promises count

People often dismiss small promises as unimportant, but that is just not true. You don’t call back when you say you will, you don’t repay a loan that’s outstanding, or maybe it just doesn’t seem important to keep a confidence. If you fail to take the minor promises seriously, you destroy trust and damage your reputation.

Failing to keep these small promises gives the appearance of being disorganized and irresponsible. You make the other person feel dismissed and unimportant. Conversely, you can build trust by demonstrating that you keep your word even on seemingly inconsequential things.

Perhaps even more important, when people realize that you consistently keep smaller promises, they will reasonably believe that you can keep your word on important things. This will actually help build your reputation as a trustworthy person.

Do it anyway

Don’t rationalize or make excuses for yourself. Push yourself a bit, work a little longer, sacrifice something else, persist, and persevere, despite what it costs you. Both the external and internal cost of failing will be much higher.

Following through on a difficult promise not only gives you satisfaction, but also raises the level of respect you receive from others. If you truly want to be successful in life, have high quality relationships, and advance your career or business, hold promises as sacred agreements, don’t miss deadlines, and make a practice to follow through on your commitments. Don’t make excuses.

That said, on rare occasions something truly unavoidable prevents you from making a deadline or keeping a promise. When this happens, ask to alter the promise or be released from the agreement. Most people will understand if you have consistently kept your promises in the past.

Expect the same of others

Most often, people will keep their word. You should expect the best of people and give them your trust until they prove they are not worthy of it. Don’t make the mistake of taking agreements you make with others lightly. Be clear about what they are promising, and then hold them to it.

However, when someone fails to keep their word, don’t excuse them. Be clear and honest in your disappointment. Remind them of their broken promise and let them know how failure to act on their part has inconvenienced you, cost you, hurt you, or let you down.

When this happens, don’t expect them to keep their promise in the future. Trust once damaged, must be earned again. Be sure to surround yourself with those types of people that you can depend on. Then you can be relatively confident they will follow through on their promises and you don’t need to check up on them.

(Photo credit: Child with raised hand making a promise via Shutterstock)

Royale Scuderi is a writer, life and business coach who empowers individuals and businesses to achieve higher productivity, growth, business success and work - life balance. She offers wisdom, insight and ideas to help you get the most out of your life at Productive Life Concepts.

I’m a sucker for productivity tips, they give me hope. I think it’s a hangover from school days when each September you would see me equipped with a new set of notebooks and pencils, just dazzled by the promise of a fresh new start on success. Reading productivity blog posts is the virtual version of indulging my office products habit and closely related to my secret guilty pleasure — “Organizing Porn” — but that’s the subject of another post.

More things, more quickly

I am not a pilot, brain-surgeon or rocket scientist. Nor am I planning the invasion of a small country, yet you could be forgiven for thinking so judging by my ruthless obsession with increasing efficiency and my compulsive habit of systematically breaking down everything I do into incremental, sequential (or parallel) steps. I have de-cluttered and re-prioritized, systematized and categorized.

I am doing more things, more quickly than I even thought possible. I have a full-time job, a part-time job, a small business and a private practice. I am communicating with more people, faster and better than before. I am LinkingIn, Facebooking, Tweeting and Blogging. I am OmniFocused and Evernoted, I have mind maps and action plans, to do lists and tickler files, 43 folders and a 5 year plan.

Even as I am dizzied by my own super-human levels of productivity, I’ve started to feel that I am surviving more than thriving. At the gym yesterday, as I dutifully clocked up my treadmill miles, I couldn’t help noticing that a large part of my life now closely resembles that of a plucky little hamster, sprinting gamely on its wheel. Last week, I spent my Thursday afternoon at the bedside of a patient who was dying. I met this man in the last months of his life, when he was suffering from end stage Alzheimer’s disease. He wasn’t the man he once was. Although he could no longer express himself, he communicated so much to me about who he was that truly inspired me.

“Have you eaten?”

When I would visit him in the nursing home at meal-times he didn’t recognize or remember me, yet without fail, as I sat down beside him he would pat my hand and say, “Have you eaten?” and offer me the food from his own plate. When I would get up to leave, he would look with concern out the window, checking on the weather and to see if it was dark, telling me to be careful as I bid him goodbye.

On the last day we were alone together for several hours. The stillness in the room descended like a heavy blanket of snow, pierced only by the sound of the oxygen machine and his breathing. Time slowed down at last and I felt a shift in my perspective and perceptions about what had been so important and urgent before I sat down beside him. I was holding his hand as he took his last breath and his heart beat its last. Accompanying someone to the end of their life is an experience that never fails to humble you but something about this experience has really changed me.

A glorious legacy

On Sunday, I was invited to a gathering of his family and friends. The house was full of people, eating and laughing, celebrating a life well-lived. Looking around, his daughter told me he would have loved this day. I sat down to look at a photo-album, eager to see glimpses of the man he had been. In this portrait of a life, I saw what was dear to him. As I turned the pages, looking at the photos of him playing with a grand-child or laughing at the helm of his boat in the Summer ocean, I saw confirmation of what I had felt intuitively; that this was a man who loved to spend time with his friends and family. A man brimming with generosity, fun, kindness and love. A man who brightened the lives of all those around him. A man who cared for, comforted and cherished those he loved. I remembered that I knew what he had done for a living and yet what struck me most was this. His glorious legacy was who he had been and not what he had done.

Conclusion

What I offer you from this experience is a reminder to stop and smell the roses and in order to do that, you may well need to employ some productivity techniques to clear yourself some space. Order is the antidote to overwhelm and I am certainly not going to be abandoning all the tips and tricks for productivity I know but I may just be adapting them. The real key is, I think, is to remember that productivity is a tool and that the ultimate goal is quality of life.

When you look back at your life, will you agree with current definitions of what is urgent and important?

(Photo credit: life after death via Shutterstock)

Mirabai Galashan MTh. helps people make the most of every day of their lives. She is a hospice chaplain, healer and teacher who works with individuals, couples and groups, offering counseling, coaching and holistic healing. Mirabai has a masters in Spirituality and Health over 20 years' experience as a professional practitioner of complementary therapies. Learn more at http://mirabaigalashan.com.

 As we head into February, many of you will have let your resolutions for 2012 slip. It’s incredibly common, so don’t fret.

This month provides a bit of a “gut check” for some or even a fresh start for others.

So whether you are tying to get back on track or are just getting on the track, this list of 101 Ways to Break Free and Level Up Your Life has got some real gems in it.

1. Learn to play a musical instrument.
2. Keep a regular journal.
3. Take plenty of photographs.
4. Walk in the rain.
5. Swing at a playground.
6. Chase butterflies.
7. Run fast.
8. Sleep soundly.
9. Dance.
10. Skip stones.
11. Skip rope.
12. Just skip.
13. Slow your breathing.
14. Spend an afternoon with a six-year old.
15. Read a work of fiction.
16. Read a work of non-fiction.
17. Sing.
18. Build something from wood.
19. Stretch.
20. Eat some cake…not on a birthday, either.
21. Close your eyes and focus.
22. Doodle.
23. Write letters. On paper.
24. Fly a kite.
25. Climb a mountain.
26. Ride a horse.
27. Sail.
28. Share some ice cream.
29. Enjoy a restaurant meal.
30. Enjoy a home-cooked meal.
31. Take in a matineé.
32. Jump on a trampoline.
33. Fence.
34. Paint. Outside the lines.
35. Dress up.
36. Dress down.
37. Ride an ATV.
38. Learn to surf.
39. Watch cartoons.
40. Buy nice bedding.
41. Camp outdoors.
42. Give to charity.
43. Make paper airplanes.
44. Smell the roses.
45. Embrace quiet.
46. Adapt to noise.
47. Stand up. Figuratively and literally.
48. Sew.
49. Grow food.
50. Look in the mirror.
51. Don’t judge.
52. Walk away.
53. Go for it.
54. Buy experiences.
55. Use a clothesline.
56. Think more.
57. Do less.
58. Walk with your feet in the waves.
59. Wear sandals.
60. Smile.
61. Disconnect from the world.
62. Connect with your world.
63. Don’t be afraid.
64. Gaze at the stars.
65. Push yourself.
66. Deliver.
67. Audit relationships regularly.
68. Know when to step up.
69. Know when to step back.
70. Count.
71. Follow up.
72. Follow through.
73. Explore.
74. Learn a foreign language.
75. Spend time in the dark.
76. Pass it around.
77. Drive less.
78. Be outside the box.
79. Treat yourself to a hot shave.
80. Treat yourself to a pedicure.
81. Age.
82. Meditate on you.
83. Meet people. Online and in person.
84. Foster growth. Online and in person.
85. Go to one major sporting event.
86. Enjoy a cocktail.
87. Be the hammer, not the nail.
88. Process.
89. Be honest.
90. Stop apologizing.
91. Show gratitude.
92. Raise the bar.
93. Do great work.
94. Play with dolls.
95. Practice.
96. Drink water.
97. Swim.
98. Date your spouse.
99. Find what you love.
100. Find a way to do what you love.
101. Do that. Repeat.

(Photo credit: Man in yellow wheat meadow via Shutterstock)

Mike Vardy is a writer, speaker, and "productivityist". Read more of his writing and learn more about him at MikeVardy.com, and you can also follow him on Twitter.

My walks with the dogs afford me some daily down-time and 30 minutes or so to clear the mental cobwebs – and sometimes, it is the source of new ideas from the most unlikely places.

A recent dogwalk took myself and the dogs down to the beach for some fun and frolic – cabin fever was setting in after a particularly rainy, stormy stretch, and the Shiba Inus needed a good play.

As soon as we reached the bottom of the stairs, I could see that the inclement weather had created an unusually high storm surge at high-tide, reaching right up to the base of the cliffs. We were the first beachgoers there after this unusually high tide, and it had completely transformed the beach! All the flotsam and jetsam, evidence of beach parties (both human and otter in origin), and the straggly bits of seaweed were washed away, and the sand all the way down the beach was pristine.

Like we were the first ones to discover a secret destination!

Now during the winter, these storm surges are somewhat regular occurrences, tides will reach a high point, and about once a year, there will be a huge tide, influenced by both the moon cycle and whatever might be going on weather-wise. The point being, this is part of the cycle of nature that so many of us don’t notice as we live our urban existences.

Here we go again!

It struck me that in our business and personal lives, we also experience similar natural cycles, but just don’t notice them as such because we are also out of tune with the cycles found in nature. The notion of the “business cycle” is a commonly referred to phenomenon in economics, but most small business owners are too focused on the day-to-day stresses to worry about the long-term. The notion of the “7 year itch” is part of our popular lexicon (and spoofed by Hollywood), but we seldom give ourselves slack in our personal relationships to roll with the ebbs and flows of our romantic lives.

Instead we expecting the months in the 10^th year of our relationships to be exactly as exhilarating as the first! We also pay a lot of attention to circadian rhythms and sleep cycles, but forget about the intermediate, seasonal cycles that influence our lives.   The more intentional we get about recognizing some of these seasonal rhythms, and the strategies we’ve used in the past, the better we will get at life – personally and professionally!

Tack right … or left

It also struck me that there are times in our personal and professional lives where we find ourselves at a high-tide, or storm-surge mark – where we weather difficult periods, and come out the other side with a fresh start – or a “do-over”. Think about it – in the world of startups, the concept of “pivoting” to react to market demands is perfectly acceptable; even encouraged! And there is a definite efficiency to recognizing where you are in the cycle and adjusting to change rather than beating your head against a brick wall. Ironically while we laud the agility of successful startups, when it comes to our own experiences we hold ourselves to the rigidity of the perfect 5-year plan and deem ourselves failures if the end result does not play out exactly as we viewed in our heads.

So, I encourage you to get in touch with the rhythms that permeate your life. Pay attention to repeating patterns – the ebbs and flows, and get to know when to take advantage of signals such as the storm-surge that tell us its time to change direction. (Just think, in 5 years, there are a total of 20 seasons – a lot of natural changes to take advantage of!)

Take a deep breath, and get your hands dirty

I firmly believe that one way to bring home an intuitive sense of those rhythms is to reacquaint ourselves with the rhythms of the natural world. If you live near a beach, make a regular visit to the shoreline. Take a walk by the river or lake, or get outside and take notice of what colour the leaves are, and in what sequence the flowers emerge in spring, and when the trees begin to bud.

Better yet, if you have a yard or access to land, get outside and grow some food. Its the ultimate way of getting in tune with nature’s rhythms. Not only will you reap the benefits (literally) of making your own food, but it is the ultimate exercise in rolling with whatever challenges arise. … like the ultimate high-tide mark, every growing season is a fresh start.

(Photo credit: high strong ocean waves with spray and surf via Shutterstock)

Janice Mansfield is a personal chef specializing in creating customized recipes and meal plans for people coping with multiple food sensitivities. She also created a line of cocktail bitters for no other reason than she wanted chocolate bitters in her Manhattans! When not cooking or cocktailing, she documents the antics and unbearable cuteness her two Shiba Inus.

I love to cook. There’s nothing quite like enjoying a tasty home-cooked meal that I have prepared and made myself. It’s satisfying knowing that my effort has paid off and I have produced something that I can be proud to share.

However, if you’re a novice, it can take time to learn some of the tricks and hacks that can improve your cooking skills or speed up your kitchen prowess.

Then there is the cleaning up afterwards — a sink full of dishes that gets in the way whilst you are cooking that no one wants to deal with.

Here are a few tips I’ve learned to improve your kitchen capabilities:

1. Plan what you need to do. Whatever takes the longest, do first. Warming up an oven, boiling up some water. Put those on first. It takes about 10 mins for an oven to heat up to the right temperature, and about 5 minutes for the water to boil where its constantly bubbling. Get that going first before you need to prep the food.
2. Defrost meats in advance. If you plan what you are going to eat you can preserve the quality of meat. Leaving it on a counter top to defrost will increase bacteria levels, nuking it in the microwave will leave you with a cooked outside and frozen middle. Put it in the fridge for 2 days in advance. If you’re in a hurry, defrost in water.
3. To open an impossible-to-open jar lid,  hold the jar upside down and put it over the cooker flame for a couple of seconds. Alternatively if you are going to use the whole jar, stab the lid with a sharp knife to break the vacuum.
4. Don’t have a steamer? Put your vegetables into a colander and put it into a pan with boiling water that fits. Make sure the colander doesn’t reach the water and then cover it with a lid. The lid may not fit perfectly, but it does the job.
5. Get more juice out of lemons and oranges by warming them up. You can do this in your hand or in some warm water.
6. Wash while you cook. This removes wasted waiting time and keeps you on top of the cleaning. When you put some meat in the pan and need to turn it over in a couple of minutes, fill the sink with water and start washing up. After you’ve washed a couple of items, it’s time to turn the mean. You can use this as a method to time your cooking.
7. Shell boiled eggs with ease. You can do so by breaking a small hole at both ends and blowing into one end.
8. Recipes are guidelines, they do not need to be followed to the letter. Love ginger?  Put some in.
9. Avoiding wheat but need to make a crispy coating without using bread? Oats do a great job. Put them into a food mixer and you have a coating that can be applied to almost anything.
10. Short on time and need to make a roast? Chop it up into smaller pieces. Your cooking time will be vastly reduced.

These are just some of the hacks I use when cooking. Do you have any to share?

(Photo credit: Chef Woman via Shutterstock)

Before I get started, some of you must be thinking that I’ve gone completely mad suggesting that we should be waking up like a dog — or any other animal for that matter.

Let me explain. Each morning here at my home (without fail), one of my Lhasa Apso dogs (a boy named Chester) starts to prop himself up at the side of my bed at about 6:30 am to see if I’m getting up yet.

He does this even if it’s still completely dark outside — like it usually is during our Canadian winter season this early in the morning. He must have some type of internal alarm clock that wakes him up that early each morning. Fortunately for me, he doesn’t start the day barking which would really annoy me.

I’m quite used to this, of course, since he and his sister (named Roxie) are already six years of age. But for some reason, it dawned on me today that he is actually setting a pretty darn good example for me — and probably everyone else out there.

Waking Up with Enthusiasm Each Day

When he gets up each morning, he is wide awake and full of energy and enthusiasm. It is almost like he is showing me that he is ready to take on another day no matter what’s on the agenda.

Chester must have already decided that it was going to be a great day no matter what. He made the decision to be super-positive and his resulting energy first thing in the morning each day certainly shows!

This is definitely something the rest of us can learn. We make the decisions on how we feel for any given situation — whether it be positive or negative. It is us who really decides how we will face each new day.

If we choose to be negative first thing in the morning, then we will likely have a pretty rotten day. On the other hand, if we choose to be positive when we wake up we will be more successful at living our day — even if full of challenges — with more energy and gusto.

Vibes From Positive People

I’m sure that we can all think of at least one person we all know — whether at the office or some other place — who always seems to be cheerful and happy. It’s almost infectious for the rest of us. The positive vibes that such people have seem to wake the rest of us up. This is why I think it’s so important to be among like-minded people on a regular basis.

In my case, it’s my dog who is displaying this type of positive vibe on a daily basis right in front of me. This is yet another example of how my pets have taught me something useful. I had originally thought that my dogs taught me only about compassion and responsibility — which were already great lessons in life. Now it seem that my dogs also have the capacity to teach me more about motivation and how I should approach each new day.

Think about it. You have the power to determine how you feel and how you start your day. If you want to have a great day, you make the decision to do so…just like how my dog Chester does each morning.

If you know people who always seem to be super positive, feel free to share below how they have affected you. Also, if you have learned something from a pet, feel free to share that as well in the comments below.

Clint Cora is a motivational speaker, author & Karate World Champion based near Toronto, Canada. Get his FREE 3-part Personal Development Video Series on how to expand your comfort zone and finally conquer even your most daunting goals in life.

A tutor can help in improving your child’s academic standing, improve his confidence and retain his focus. But this will only be possible if you can find the tutor that can fit your child’s temperament and learning style.

Before you hire a private tutor, ask yourself these three important questions:

1. Is the tutor approachable?

One of the most common problems for a student who’s having difficulty with a certain subject is the “fear” of the subject and the subject teacher herself. Rossana Llenado. founder of online tutorial firm Ahead Interactive, notes that one of the main reasons why students can’t keep up with schoolwork is because they’re afraid of their very strict teacher.  Fear rattles  the child and keeps him from focusing on the subject.

Indeed, a study issued by Unicef about corporal punishment has established a correlation between child learning and fear.  The study notes:

“A common effect of corporal punishment is a growing fear of teachers among school children and therefore a dislike of school. When driven by fear of punishment, children learn simply to please the teacher and  not to acquire skills and knowledge for their own development. Physical punishment thus distorts a student’s motivation and learning is influenced by fear. Children who  are physically and emotionally abused develop anxiety that causes loss of concentration and poor learning.”

You need to look for a private tutor who can ease these fears and renew the student’s interest.  Someone who’s approachable enough so that your child won’t equate learning  with being punished or ridiculed. The tutor must have a thorough understanding of the child psychology in order to develop a fearless, healthy and communicative relationship with her student.

2. Does the tutor have the ability to teach the subject matter?

There are tutors who are excellent at a certain subject matter but may not have the ability to teach it. Some have the knack for teaching; they have the gift to explain tough concepts without intimidating their students.

But for most people, the ability to teach is something that needs to be honed and developed for several years. And this can only be possible if the teacher has the inclination and years of experience teaching school aged children.

Llenado, an educational manager who has trained several tutors for her chain of tutorial centers in Manila, has discovered that her best tutors are the ones who are not only knowledgeable (she only hires the best from top universities) but also those who can make learning quick and fun!

Hence, hiring a math genius is not a surefire way of boosting your child’s grades in algebra. He may understand the theory but is that math genius capable of breaking down a complicated theory so that even a 12-year old child can understand it and even excel on the subject?

Check the tutor’s academic credentials and teaching experience by asking for referrals and transcript of records. Also interview other parents who hired the tutor for their children – you want to know if the tutor indeed helped in boosting a child’s academic performance.

If you already have a prospective tutor in mind, then ask her for her teaching method and syllabus.

Keep in mind that a tutor who hasn’t planned out her methodology of covering a subject or isn’t sure of the syllabus or the topics that require extra attention might not be able to help your child.

3. Should I consider using an online tutor?

This is one option that you might want to consider if you want a more flexible learning schedule for your child.

You can select an online tutor from reputable companies that employ top-notch tutors who can help your child anytime. This will also fit your busy schedule as you can always check on your child’s progress by simply checking it online via your smartphone or computer.

A good learning center will generally have orientation programs for parents and the tutors to present an overview of its teaching methods. The learning center must be able to ‘diagnose’ your child’s problem areas and devise a study plan that will address these problems.

Conclusion

But more than your prospective tutor’s credentials and qualifications, the most important thing for you to do is to discuss your child’s concerns with the tutor. It is said that it takes a village to raise a child. Educating your child involves a community of learners and educators in which you and the tutor belong.

(Photo credit: A Plus Student via Shutterstock)

About the author: Prime Sarmiento is a long time journalist and content marketing strategist for online tutorial company Ahead Interactive - provider of live, real-time, video-powered tutorials. You can follow her writing tips in twitter.

We are a few weeks into 2012 now and some of us that made New Year’s resolutions have discovered that in our zeal to achieve change, we have created resolutions that have us feeling too constrained. For most people however, success lies in practicing a balanced approach to life.

Finding balance means adopting the path less travelled, and rethinking arbitrarily determined timelines in favour of creating our own timelines and strategies —  that work for ourselves.  And for some of us, that also means rethinking the whole idea of “cleanses” and austerity as penance for excess, instead embracing a few simple pleasures that can bring us a little bit of joy throughout the entire year.

I’m here to tell you that a little tipple can help you do that! Keep the following 3 things in mind to help you drink your way to a more balanced you.

Think of cocktails and spirits as a health tonic

Many of the spirits and liqueurs we enjoy today were originally concocted as health tonics. And the ingredients that give them their distinct flavour profiles also have healing properties. For example, gin was originally distilled in the 1500′s as a means of making the benefits of juniper berries widely available to the masses. Chartreuse, containing 130 herbs, was created by monks in the 1600s as a health tonic. All of the Italian amaros, incluing Fernet Branca, and Campari, were originally consumed as digestifs, intended to promote optimal digestion. And Cognac, was actually available during prohibition by prescription.

While this may seem far-fetched, consider that herbalists creating healing tinctures use 80 proof alcohol to extract the beneficial properties of the herbs they prescribe.

Quality over quantity

While it often goes without saying that moderation is the key to a healthy, happy existence, I’m going to say it anyway. Deprivation is the surest route to “falling off the wagon” of our well-meant resolutions. The best way to avoid the pitfalls of the binge/abstain cycle is to invest a few extra dollars or time in a better quality of beverage.

For those also resolved to reign in their spending in 2012, the good news is that finding a good quality spirit or wine does not mean having to lay out $100 for a bottle of single malt. There are bargains to be had if you are willing to look at alternatives. If you enjoy single malt scotch, for example, but find it too spendy for your pocketbook, try a bourbon or an aged rum for less than half the price.

You will get all the enjoyment of sipping on a nuanced beverage, without the sticker shock.

Pick your potion

With so many lifestyle and health-related diets out there these days, finding a spirit that is “allowed” on many of these diets leaves many people opting out altogether (see the reference above to deprivation). Whether you are on a Paleo diet, or a slow-carb diet, or a gluten-free diet, there is a quality beverage for you out there.

For those looking to minimize their grain intake, the good news is that a quality spirit is far better than beer, and there are more microdistillers experimenting with creating spirits from fruit. Red wine is better on the carb front than white wine. And remember that organizations such as the Celiac Association are working at the local level with wine and spirits purveyors to research and educate about gluten-free options.

Picking your potion does not need to be a complicated affair, instead it’s a matter of being more mindful about what we consume.

Conclusion

I wish you well in 2012, and raise a glass to all of you seeking balance in your lives. Remember to consider the health benefits of a life well-lived. A moment of reflection while sipping a delicious beverage, or connecting in the evening with your spouse over a glass of wine, may have more benefits than you think!

(Photo credit: Bottles of spirits and liquor at the bar via Shutterstock)

Janice Mansfield is a personal chef specializing in creating customized recipes and meal plans for people coping with multiple food sensitivities. She also created a line of cocktail bitters for no other reason than she wanted chocolate bitters in her Manhattans! When not cooking or cocktailing, she documents the antics and unbearable cuteness her two Shiba Inus.

We are busier than ever. Technology is leading us down the road of being able to be busy wherever we go and at any time. It’s a constant stream of information that comes in, is processed in some way, and then goes out. We tell ourselves that we have to “make something of ourselves” and that we must always be creating to keep our edge. Yet, we have to consume information to “be-in-the-know” to keep that same edge.

It’s tough to “just be” anymore. Why can’t we stop for moment and see things for the actual way that they are? Why do we have to keep ourselves busy, obsessed, and “passionate” all of the time?

Fear of what is real

For many people the thought of stopping to feel anything that is real in their lives is a distant afterthought to all of the projects and actions that they have forced upon themselves (or been forced upon by others). I know that this is the case for myself. I’d most times much rather check things off a list that I can make endless for myself than stopping, getting out of work mode, and see my surroundings for what they really are. If I stop to take a look at what things truly are, then I may have to make a change in my life and change is hard.

The thing that we forget to realize is that this “stopping and being” is just another part of staying productive. If we don’t face the fear of seeing things for the way that they truly are because of the perceived pain of change, then we could be setting ourselves up to take on projects, actions, and even goals that don’t mean a damn to us.

Fear of the uncertain

Fear is a strong motivator, but it tends to be in the opposite way that we would like. Fear of uncertainty is another reason we have a difficult time stopping and being. I’m always freaked out that I won’t have enough money to take care of me and my loved ones. This uncertainty of the future motivates me to do things that are possibly not the greatest for me, like take and keep jobs that promise me decent money but don’t give me personal satisfaction in return, or take on side work that I know will help pay for things, but could leave me little time for anything else.

We don’t completely know what tomorrow will bring. Or even a minute from now. But that is a constant. We can plan for that uncertainty and face it.

What to do about it

The tips below are practical and possibly obvious, but that’s a good thing. The fact is that they work, but only if you work them. Most people won’t work them – they will scan over them and continue on. If you are experiencing the fear mentioned above, don’t scan these and move on. Try them out.

1. Plan times to stop and be for a moment every day, multiple times a day. You don’t have to be Buddha, here. Simply stop for a moment outside of your email, phone, notifications, and anything else that keeps you busy. Stop and breath deep through your stomach. You can think whatever you want to think, just try to come back to your deep breaths.
2. Plan times to write every day. You don’t have to be a poet or autobiographer, here. Simply get out pen and paper or your trusty plain-text editor and write your ass off. You can write about anything that you like. You may find some of these fears mentioned above start to come out. It’s a good think to notice them as it’s the only way to face them.
3. Plan times to be with your friends and family every day. You don’t have to be the Partridge family or everyone’s BFF, here. Simply hang out with the people you love and remember why you love them. Also, remind yourself why they love you. We tend to think a lot about ourselves and not enough about others that are important.
4. Plan time to plan for a moment every day. You don’t have to be a professional project manager or Mr. Allen, here. Simply take a look at your workload that is front of you (helps when you have that already defined!) and make decisions on what can stay, what can be gotten rid of, and what you should really be working on next. This step is much, much easier and closer to what you want and need to do when it is followed by the above three steps.

Conclusion

Stopping the rat race of your productive life can be tough. Especially since it feels that you never have enough time or energy to get everything done. The thing is that you may not need to get it all done. The only way to find this out is to face your fears of what is real and your uncertainty of the future by stopping and being everyday. Only then can you make the decision of what work you should keep in your life.

(Photo credit: Crying woman via Shutterstock)

A lot of us spend a lot of time online every…single…day. Whether you’re actively surfing the Internet or have your email program actively checking in the background, you’re online. Even with notifications off and doing all you can to avoid multitasking, you’re probably still connected to the online world. And you’re doing this daily.

Why not take a day off?

I’ve written about starting your week early (as compared to most others) by working on Sundays, and I’ve also touched on how I am unconventional in my starting of a new year by waiting until February. So I’m sure you’re not surprised when I tell you that I have started to take Saturdays off. Completely off. I steer clear of Facebook, I go tweetless on Twitter and my inbox fills up.

And I’m loving it.

So how can someone who makes their living working as an online writer and editor manage to completely disconnect from his devices one day each and every week? Because I make the effort to do so. Don’t get me wrong…it wasn’t easy to start doing this, but once I got used to it then I knew it was absolutely the right thing to do for myself, my family and my work.

Here’s how I did it.

1. Automate

I’m not one for automating every single service you’ve got going for you online, but I am an advocate for it when the timing is right. Going on vacation or taking time off is an ideal time to automate as much as possible. Schedule tweets with a service like CoTweet or HootSuite, set up an auto-responder for email like AwayFind, schedule your posts to go live on Saturday and write them in advance.

There are no shortage of tools to keep up appearances during your “Saturday Sabbaticals” – you just have to take the time to put them into place. Set them up, foster the habit, and enjoy the freedom of disconnection.

2. Use Devices Offline

Just because you’re not going to be spending time online on Saturdays doesn’t mean you can’t use your devices on Saturdays. As a writer, I do plenty of writing on Saturdays, but none of it gets put online on that day of the week. I also do plenty of task management and organization on Saturdays, but I don’t do any of that online.

In fact, I’ve even gone so far as to turn both of my iOS devices on Airplane Mode to ensure that nothing gets in or out. It keeps me offline and my brain has now been trained to know that if there are any components of what I need to do that require an online connection, they wait until Sunday. That almost always results in a clear agenda for Saturdays. Which is a pretty nice agenda to have once a week.

3. Disconnect to Reconnect

By going offline and getting in touch with things outside of the online world, you’re actually setting yourself to up to reconnect with some the things that you may have lost touch with during the week. Planning meals for a new diet, going for a hike, reading that book you’ve been neglecting – all of those things (and more) will come to the forefront because you’ve given yourself limits as to what you’re exposed to on Saturdays.

It’s important to give your brain and eyes a rest from the deluge of information and tasks that come at you full force as a result of the Internet. When you stay up for days on end without sleep, you aren’t going to be good to anyone – let alone yourself. Think of staying online 7 days a week in a similar fashion. You need to take a break from it, and it’s that disconnection that will allow you to come back fresh and focused the next time you go online.

Switch Off to Power Up

It’s not impossible to stay completely offline on Saturdays. You just need to want to do it for your own well-being so that you can set yourself up for success.

When you automate what you need to have going on during Saturdays, you give yourself the peace of mind to enjoy the day. When you don’t restrict the full use of your devices that can access the online world, but flick the switch to keep them offline, you’re not punishing yourself so that you can’t work on that book or tidy up that desktop. When you disconnect fully, you refresh yourself so that you can back at full strength when you connect again.

But the biggest benefit of spending your Saturdays offline, is that you stand to improve your life as a whole – both online and off.

(Photo credit: Offline Beauty Woman via Shutterstock)

Mike Vardy is a writer, speaker, and "productivityist". Read more of his writing and learn more about him at MikeVardy.com, and you can also follow him on Twitter.

Most of the time, you keep up with your schedule. You wake up each day, go through your morning routine and then start working. You start doing your stuff. Piece by piece, task by task.

And most of the time, it’s boring.

Many times it feels far better to just do nothing. Sometimes you feel like relaxing in the backyard but you have a business meeting you really have to attend. So you get up and go.

Other times you feel like watching that game on the couch, but you promised yourself you’re going to run 5km today. So you get up and go.

You don’t enjoy it, but you finish it. You go to that meeting. You do your 5km run. And then the next one. And the next one.

And at some point when you really look back and try to understand how you did all the stuff that you did. You look at how you achieved all that you achieved.

Then you realize that — statistically — the boring periods in your life were far longer and persistent than the joyful, motivating and enthusiastic ones.

It’s true. Just look back and see for yourself. Have you really been all that high for your entire life? Were you enthusiastic all the time? Exhilarated? Pumped up? Adrenalized?

Nope.

But you got out and did your stuff. You somehow managed to cope with the boring moments and fill them with things you wanted to do.

The Beauty And The Boredom

As human beings we are wired to follow pleasure and reject pain. Many daily activities are centered around this pattern. We do what we enjoy and repel or postpone what we don’t. I did it myself for quite a while:

“As of today, I’m gonna do only what I like to do.”

Guess what? After I went like this for a while I wanted to measure my output. Surprise, surprise: turned out that by doing only what I liked, my throughput (in terms of tasks, goals achievement and so on) was lower than expected. As a matter of fact…it was way, way lower.

Did I feel well during that time in which I actually indulged in pleasurable tasks? No doubt about that.

Did I do more? Nope. Absolutely not.

So, that was the moment when I learned how to do the motivation trick. Every time I wasn’t at my best, I started to use some motivational stuff. A quote. A quick and easy exercise. A personal mantra. Or a blog post (I even made a list out of them — and it turned out to be quite a popular list). And for a few years, this motivation trick did the job.

But then something even worse happened.

I realized that by pumping myself up each time with outside stimuli, I was actually lying to myself. I was no better than a dog in a Pavlovian experiment. I was feeding myself sugar bars, trying to replicate the natural and honest exhilaration responses I would sometimes get. A fast and easy sugar rush to the brain and — boom — my task was done.

But as with every sugar rush, there’s a huge downturn. After the sugar has left, you end up feeling miserable again. Which will, in turn, trigger another sugar rush reaction just to get rid of that miserable state again.

Sound familiar? I bet it does, we’ve all done this…

So, there was a moment when I had no option but to accept boredom in my life. To reshape my entire vision about beauty and pleasure.

Because if you really look at it, seldom is beauty built in sudden bursts of exhilaration — in those huge and powerful adrenaline-empowered jumps. More often than not, real beauty is built with small chunks…with small steps…with small (but constantly fulfilled) promises.

The Boredom Manifesto

So that was the moment I came up with what I call The Boredom Manifesto. A few sentences that are making me accept and make use of boredom instead of sugar-coating it using motivation tricks. It’s not motivational, as it doesn’t try to embellish the reality or even to make it look different.

Boredom is boredom. It’s part of life. All of our lives.

So we’d better make use of it instead of rejecting it.

For every tiny task I finish when I really don’t want to, I know there will be a reward somewhere. I don’t need it right now, I just know it will be there when I’ll need it.

For every boring activity I bring to an end, knowing that it’s part of a bigger plan, I’ll have a better picture of my life.

For every pushing through, there will be more muscles.

For every unpleasant, yet necessary stuff I finish now, there will be less striving tomorrow.

I decide to accept and embrace boredom as part of my life, for it’s in its dull, flat and grey moments that all the greatness I’m capable of is built, grey second by grey second, flat minute after flat minute, dull hour after dull hour.

As long as I keep pushing forward.

Embrace the boredom…don’t fight it. It’s in those moments of boredom that you’ll find some of the brilliance you’ve been looking for in your life.

(Photo credit: Bunch of Sad People with Happy Man via Shutterstock)

While I was in Barnes and Noble last weekend I notice that there were an influx of diet books scattered throughout the center portion of the store. It makes sense with all the New Year crash dieting going on. What I thought was more interesting was that some of these were Paleo dieting books, which, until recently hasn’t been accepted by the mainstream as well as a low fat or even the low carb type of diet approach.

This got me thinking about my slow and unconventional approach making it to the Paleo lifestyle. So, if you want to start to get lean, feel better, have more strength and vitality, you could go the traditional route by buying a good Paleo book (some recommended below), read some Paleo blogs, listen to a Paleo podcast, and turn into a caveman. Or, you could follow my long, winding path that has gotten me to a Paleo lifestyle.

What we are moving toward

A Paleo lifestyle is rather simple and straight forward. There is a lot of literature out there of what is good and what is bad for you when it comes to eating, but it comes down to a few simple things:

1. Eat quality, preferably grass-fed, meat
2. Eat fresh vegatables
3. Stay away from legumes and dairy as much as possible
4. Lay off the processed sugar
5. Don’t eat grains, don’t consume wheat gluten, and lay off of industrial seed oils
6. Move around, lift heavy things, walk every day

Though it seems simple, this type of lifestyle can be tough to get to.

Trial and error

My first foray into a low carb diet was eating Atkins about 6 years ago. I ate meat, veggies, cheese, and fats. I also started exercising three times a week. It worked. I lost around 30 pounds in all of 3 or 4 months and started to get some muscles and energy back.

This was a great first step. It showed me that I could actually lose weight and start to get lean if I wanted to, that my genes weren’t “destined” to make me fat, and that I could keep the weight off if I followed a diet.

At the time I still thought that whole grains and grains in general were OK for me and that I just needed to lay off of them until I reached an acceptable weight to resume eating them. Little did I know is that the whole grains were the things that were keeping me fat, as they opened my up to eating more and more starches as my body craved them more.

Needless to say, when I slowly put grains back into my diet I slowly started eating more of them, and slowly started to gain weight. It was all a downhill progression from there taking me back to junk foods, fast food, sweets, and the like.

It’s important to remember that we are all human and that we can’t do everything perfectly at first. It took several attempts at a diet until I finally could keep it going. Once I found the Paleo lifestyle and decided to eat to live rather than live to eat, I haven’t had a problem falling off the diet wagon and am closer than I have ever been to my ideal weight.

Get active!

The next thing is that you have to get active to live the Paleo lifestyle. The nice part about this is that there is no “set regimen” when it comes to exercising. You can make it up as you go, just as long as you are active.

I tend to walk for about an hour a day and do body weight exercises 3 to 4 times a week, but this isn’t even a hard and fast rule. Plus, I go in and out of the doing the body weight exercises. But, as long as you are moving for at least an hour a day that should be fine. I’m not talking about running the rat-race on the treadmill, I mean you can walk, hike, do pushups, pullups, whatever, for a total of an hour a day.

Don’t be too hard on yourself

This is the reason that most everyone fails and decides to give-up on the Paleo approach. Most humans tend to be all or nothing creatures and if something doesn’t work or we screw something up just a little bit, we might as well not do it at all. I know that this is the case for me.

So what if you snuck a candybar after dinner or had a few french fries? Just keep moving forward in the Paleo lifestyle. You are bound to make mistakes in this new way of life. No need to be too hard on yourself.

Follow the 80/20 principal

The Pareto principal has been around for a while and if you are a productivity nerd then you have definitely heard of it. But, Mark Sisson, of Mark’s Daily Apple fame, has taken this and applied it to the Paleo approach. He believes that if you follow the lifestyle 80% of the time, or do the 80% of the lifestyle that is the most important, that you will succeed without being hard on yourself.

I’d say there are some things that you need to follow to the ‘T’, like avoiding gluten at all costs as well as the industrial seed oils, but the other things can are malleable; like eating strictly grass-fed beef or no potatoes or rice.

Get and stay inspired

Below are the three things that introduced me to the Paleo lifestyle and kept me inspired when the going got tough:

• Mark’s Daily Apple and his book The Primal Blueprint
• Robb Wolf’s The Paleo Solution
• Angela Coppola’s podcast, Latest in Paleo

Conclusion

So how do you make it to the Paleo lifestyle? Through trial and error, getting active, not being too hard on yourself, following the 80/20 principal, and getting inspired. Looking back, I wouldn’t have liked to get to to my Paleo lifestyle in any other way, and frankly, the traditional “buy-this-book-and-follow-this-plan-forever” kind of way probably wouldn’t have stayed with me long term.